On Dreams and Words

I haven't written many words here in recent days, but I have been writing words. Over 68,000 of them to be exact. Well, I didn't write all those words this week. It's been a work in progress for over a year. In fits and starts I've been writing a little book. This week I finally tapped out the last words. It is the fulfillment of a dream birthed in my heart many years ago.

I hesitate to share this, because the dream is only that - a wish, a hope. There is only a rough draft - nothing more. I share it because I believe, somewhere deep inside, the Lord gave me this dream.

At first I doubted that. After all, a mystery isn't a deeply spiritual tome. It is a simple story. The Lord gently asked me to get my big self out of the way and offer it open-handed back to Him. I don't know what will become of it. He may leave it sitting somewhere in the depths of cyberspace. There was a time that would not have been okay with me. It is now.

I am thankful the Father gives us dreams. I am thankful He cares about our dreams. I am thankful He doesn't put limits on our dreams or measure them by human standards. I am thankful He knows exactly what to do with those dreams.

Whatever it is. It will be good.

Blessings,
Linda

My "Resolution"

I am not good at keeping resolutions - no matter what the season. The very thought seems to set me on a collision course with failure. I have long lamented my lack of self-control. It is an on-going matter of prayer - and confession - and prayer.

I've been reading all the wonderful posts about choosing words for the year (I've done that too.), setting goals for healthful dieting, beginning exercise programs and so much more. Really good things.

And yet…even as I read them, I get this sinking feeling right in the pit of my stomach - discouraged before I even begin. I'm weary of the trying.

Over the past several months the Lord has been gently impressing something on my heart. Instead of the trying, suppose I pray without ceasing - an on-going conversation with Him. Moment by moment listening for His voice and then walking in obedience.

How do I spend this one moment Lord?

When the nest is empty, and there is "we two" together all the time, it is difficult to (for me anyway) to adhere to a schedule. It seems the children anchored my days - shaping them into a consistent pattern. These days - the hours fill with unexpected things - and I am never sure from one day to the next what the schedule will be.

So…moment by moment keeps resentment at bay. When my plans are scuttled because an elderly parent needs help, I can listen for His voice and know that it is good. When doctor appointments fill the calendar squares, I can rest in Him and know the things I long to do will wait. When the walk gets postponed time and time again, I know there will be other days.

I know this "plan" may seem rather unambitious and a bit lazy and perhaps it is. As with so many other things I've "declared," I may be back in a few months to say, "You know that moment by moment thing?" I hope not. My prayer is that my moments will be used wisely, that I will truly listen to His voice and do what He says.

Blessings,
Linda

Five Minute Friday: See

Friday - time to join with the Five Minute Community at Lisa-Jo's to do a bit of unedited writing.
Today's word:

See

go - When I went to the eye doctor for my yearly check-up last September, I got a bit of a surprise. Not about the need for reading glasses. I knew about that. I'd been gradually increasing the strength of those for years. Instead, I was told I needed glasses for distance. I had no idea. In fact, I thought my long distance vision was quite good. Not so.

It wasn't until I put on my new glasses for the first time that I saw what had been clear all along. I wasn't seeing nearly as well as I thought. Whole new vistas opened up before me!

I am learning, it is very much the same in the case of my spiritual vision. It isn't so much that I think I can see far down the road. It's more of a seeing through the wrong lenses.

I have an unfortunate tendency to look into the future with my own limited vision. It wasn't until the Lord prescribed a pair of spiritual glasses that I began to see clearly. He stepped right into my line of vision - with everything that he is and challenged me to look.

Suddenly things came into focus. Not the things I had been worrying about or trying to control. No - those still remained a blur. Instead I focused on Him, and it wasn't necessary to see far into the future. He held all of that in His hands.

stop

Please come join the others at Five Minute Friday. I know you will be encouraged and blessed.

Blessings,
Linda

Gifts

The spot where the sparkly tree stood is empty now – the presents unwrapped and put away. I sit and think back to another Christmas, the one when our daughter was just a tiny girl.

She had come to us in a joyous, unexpected way – a miraculous answer to prayer. A curly-haired, chubby-cheeked miracle. I shopped for my only daughter with an eagerness born of years of anticipation – and shopping for boys. What fun to walk down aisles of baby dolls and tiny tea sets. I don’t know who was more excited Christmas morning – a wide-eyed two year old or her Mom.

A bit overwhelmed at first, she soon mastered the skill of tearing through colorful wrapping paper in record time. Within minutes, hours of shopping lay buried under a mountain of paper and bows. She looked under the tree for more gifts and when she realized there were no more……

I am writing at Laced With Grace today. I would be honored if you would join me there.

Blessings,
Linda

Ordinary Days

We packed up Christmas on Saturday. I still look for our little Christmas tree with its tiny ornaments every time I walk into the living room. It takes a minute to adjust to the comparitive emptiness. The trimmings are gone, but Christmas lingers.

On Sunday morning the wind swooped down the chimney and rattled the windows. The temperature doesn't often dip below freezing here in South Texas, but those winds did their work. By this morning it was well below freezing - 27 degrees! I know there are benefits to freezing temperatures - the killing of all those unwanted pests and such - but I much prefer it when "weather bug" keeps the numbers above 65.

However, being the brave souls we are (and not having any choice), we were out bright and early this morning for my husband's check-up at the V.A. I unearthed my scarf and mittens from my dresser drawer and hauled my winter jacket out of the back of the closet. We always have to park at the back of beyond when we get there, so I thought it best to be prepared.

After his appointment we went grocery shopping. I admit it's probably my least favorite chore, but once we're home and it's all put away I'm thankful for  God's abundant provision.

Now there is a load of clothes in the washer and another in the dryer. We've already gone for our walk, and I have time to write. I'm almost finished with my mystery. Some days I look at all those words and wonder what will ever become of them. But I am determined to live moment by moment - open handed and surrendered to whatever He would have me do.

So I'll open google docs and move Matty through her story. For He's given me this moment to write.

Blessings,
Linda

all. the. time.

I have three sore spots on my person these days - two just below my collar-bone, spaced about four inches apart and the other just above my waist on the left side. They are reminders of the electrodes I stuck on and painfully peeled off every other day for two weeks.

For the past few years my heart has occasionally stepped up its rhythm to a rather alarming rate. Just long enough to make me take notice and sit a spell. My doctor decided it would be good to check on this erratic behavior and sent me off to a cardiologist.

Said cardiologist prescribed three tests and a heart monitor. I've completed every one of them and now wait to hear the results. None of it was painful or difficult - except for the wearing of the monitor.  (Did I mention the painful peeling?) It felt as though I was tethered to something all. the. time.

Once the electrodes were plastered in place, separate wires were connected to each one. These, in turn, were connected to the monitor - which needed to be carried on my person all. the. time. In addition, there was the "communicator" - a cell phone that relayed all the information to the monitoring people.

Those monitoring people are very diligent. They called several times to tell me they weren't getting a good signal - necessitating more peeling and plastering. It seems it is also essential to keep the monitor and the communicator close together all. the. time.

After the two weeks were over - during which time my heart perversely maintained a steady beat - I gleefully (and painfully) peeled the electrodes off for the final time. Bliss. I felt such freedom. And then the little light went off.

Far too often I have willingly tethered myself to things like cell phones, kindles and laptops. Mistaking bondage for freedom I have sacrificed much to their siren call. It is little wonder I found peace and  a sense of freedom when I gave up blogging for a time.

Just as my little monitor was a valuable tool, so too are all those other things - in their place. It is the "all. the. time." that binds me. It comes at too great a price.

Blessings,
Linda

Moment by Moment

"Moment by moment I'm kept in His love;
 Moment by moment I've life from above;
 Looking to Jesus till glory doth shine;
 Moment by moment, O Lord, I am thine."

Daniel W Whittle

There have been a great many moments since I closed the door on this little blog. Almost from the first one, there was a pang of regret - a pull of words longing to be written. I surrendered the longing to waiting and praying.

The moments that made up the month of December were filled with peace - a respite from the pressure of my own making. There was a quietness of spirit laid low before the greatness of who He is. Surrender is not a word to be despised. It is freedom and blessing and a knowing that all will be just as it should be.

Enfolded in the advent season were moments that put life into perspective. Unplanned and out of my control. Part of surrendering is bravely living each moment as it comes to us - teaching us to live open-handed and open-hearted. And when we do, we find Him there in every single one of them.

It is well to plan the days - to look as far ahead as we are able. It is wise to prepare and resolve to do things better. I walked today, under cold, cloudy skies and mentally listed the things I knew needed to change. I marked the items to the sound of my feet hitting the pavement. So many things - so many failures and faults. And I felt the whisper of "moment by moment."

"Moment by moment," His grace is sufficient - for that one thing and then for the next. He is a kind and gentle Father. He is not in a hurry. I slip my hand in His - the one that spans the heavens - and long to walk with Him. Moment by moment.

So, feeling just a tad foolish, I quietly slip back in. This time without an eye toward numbers or a longing to please. This time just to give what I have, this love of words and ever deepening love for Him,  and leave it in His hands.

Blessings,
Linda