A Special Day

Tomorrow is a really big day for my 93 year old Dad. I'll let you know....


Blessings,
Linda

Dreary Days

 The clouds hung heavy for days - blotting out the sunlight. Rivulets of water ran down our cold glasses . The darkness closed in too early and I drew the shades against it. Trees seemed to droop under the weight of it all - as did I. The weather a metaphor for the state of my spirit.

I am apt to curl up inside on days when I have done it all wrong and the weight of it presses in. I long for the comfort of  my armchair - a cup of tea and endless word games - the minutes ticking into hours.

Just around sundown yesterday the winds picked up, driving the humidity away and the temperature down. The gray clouds parted to reveal what had been there all along. And the trees - the trees threw up their arms and danced. They swayed to the rhythm of the wind - bending low and anchored by roots that go down deep. It rushed through the branches whispering hope and encouragement.

My spirit longs for refreshment - and it comes on the wind of His breath. I bend to its rhythm and lift my heart to Him - the One who has been there all along. I long for roots that go deep - deep enough to make my spirit soar even on those days.

"Spirit of the living God,
 Surround my dreary world today
 And set my feet to dancing.
 The silent song of days gone gray,
 A heart that's heavy laden,
 Won't have the last, the final say.
 I know a song of dancing leaves,
 They swirl and twirl despite the gray.
 Spirit of the living God,
 Set my feet to dancing."

 Debra Klingsporn

Blessings,
Linda

AGAIN

What can you write in 5 minutes flat on the prompt “again”? 

start:

I lay in bed luxuriating in the knowledge that there is no where I need to go today. After days of running to and fro, this day stretches ahead of me - empty hours waiting to be filled in any way I choose. I make a mental list:
a few quick necessary chores
write
practice piano
work on Bible Study
take a long walk
knit

It all sounds so lovely. I imagine myself gliding slowly through the day - savoring the moments. Then the phone rings, and I see all my lovely plans dissolving like mist falling to the ground - again! There will be no writing or long walks. Instead someone needs us, and we must get ready to leave quickly. Or perhaps someone dear to me is calling and needs to talk - for a long time. Before I know it the morning is gone, and I am once again running to catch up with myself - again!

I am ashamed to say that my first reaction is usually a mumbling under my breath about never getting any time to myself and why does this always happen on the one day I could finally do the things I wanted to do....... A lot of "I's" in that mumbling.

I am trying, after the first ungracious reaction, to take a deep breath and open my hands to what the Father has planned for me this day. Invariable, when I do the necessary with a loving heart the day holds blessings I could never have anticipated.

stop

I just want to add this from my devotional "Jesus Calling" (Doesn't He always have a way of speaking directly to the point?)

"As you make plans for the day, remember that it is I who orchestrate the events of your life. On days when things go smoothly, according to your plans, you may be unaware of My sovereign Presence. On days when your plans are thwarted, be on the lookout for Me! I may be doing something important in your life, something quite different from what you expected. ... Don't try to figure out what is happening. Simply trust Me and thank Me in advance for the good that will come out of it all. I know the plans I have for you, and they are good."

Joining Lisa-Jo for Five Minute Friday 

 

Blessings,
Linda

Belonging

I put on my aged white ball cap, tie my tennis shoes and grab my spiral-ringed index cards - ready for our walk. I used to walk listening to music or talk radio but traded them in for silence when the noise in my head finally got to be too much. Then I discovered that sixty-ish year old minds can still commit things to memory (even though it sometimes seems my mind has all the retention capability of a  sieve). So I began carrying little bits of scripture, memorizing as I walked (somehow the walking seems to help - not sure why but it does).

This year the goal is the Romans Project, Romans 1,8 and 12 (whole chapters!) with Ann. There is a website, Scripture Typer, where you can join others who are doing the Romans Project. The idea is to type out the verses as you memorize them. Just when I think I'm getting fairly proficient on the computer, something new comes along and I realize my skills are sadly lacking. Could not figure it out.

So.....I copied the verses out on my trusty index cards and began to memorize Paul's words to the beat of  feet hitting  pavement. I think I may have moaned a time or two about Paul's penchant for very. long. sentences. I read the words and thought, "I will never get this!"

However, I have found, as I break them down into bite-sized pieces, every word has purpose and every phrase is chock full of amazing truth. The Holy Spirit seems to have a way of doing that. Still, those sentences are long! So I was thrilled yesterday when I flipped the card to the day's verse - "including you who are called to belong to Jesus Christ," (verse six). Finally - something short and sweet.

As I said the words over and over, I was astounded at the depth of those simple words. We have been called to BELONG to Jesus Christ. When I come to Him in faith, I am signing on for the long-haul. I take all of my self, and give it to Him. I am His. It is what He has been speaking to my heart for weeks.

Jesus gave Himself for me. In return I take this one small life and give it to Him. This belonging to Him seems to run against the grain of our independent spirits. But, as with everything in God's kingdom, He has turned that notion on its head. When I belong to Jesus, I am truly free. I am safe. I receive all that He is, in the form of the Holy Spirit, living in me. I have hope, peace, joy - just to name a few of the gifts He brings.

I am His, and it is more than I could possibly ask or think.

Blessings,
Linda

Look Up

I had a shelf full of exercise videos that didn't make the cut when it came time to put our lives into cardboard boxes and move. They ran the gamut from Dancing with Richard Simmons to Yoga. I was faithful to each one for a time, but eventually boredom (and a touch of laziness) set in and I relegated them to the bottom shelf of the bookcase.

It wasn't until I laced up my tennis shoes and began walking our little country road that I knew I had at last found my thing. Fresh air and peace and quiet. It hardly seemed like exercise at all. I've been doing it ever since.

After years of walking and thinking I had it down to a science, I read something that changed it all rather dramatically. You are not supposed to walk looking down at your feet with your shoulders hunched up around your ears. No! You are supposed to look straight ahead - and relax those shoulders. I cannot tell you the difference it made.

Instead of alternating feet and pavement, there were trees and blue sky and birds. There were deer and rabbits and road runners. There were clouds sailing overhead. It was so much better. And yet I had to make a concentrated effort to keep looking up. It seems I have a tendency to look down at my feet.

It occurs to me I've been walking with a downward gaze and hunched up shoulders for days now. I have been absorbed with the "steps" of my life - discouraged and filled with a sense of failure. At times I've even tried walking backwards - looking with regret at a past I cannot change.

The Father calls me to move my gaze upward:

Isaiah 40:26-31 (NLT)

²⁶ Look up into the heavens.
    Who created all the stars?
He brings them out like an army, one after another,
    calling each by its name.
Because of his great power and incomparable strength,
    not a single one is missing.
²⁷ O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles?
    O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights?
²⁸ Have you never heard?
    Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
    No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
²⁹ He gives power to the weak
    and strength to the powerless.
³⁰ Even youths will become weak and tired,
    and young men will fall in exhaustion.
³¹ But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
    They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
    They will walk and not faint.

Blessings,

Linda

Come and Talk

"My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
    And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”
              Psalm 27:8 (NLT)

Resting in the wonder of this.

Blessings,
Linda

A New Thing

Despair, I think, is the antonym for hope. I have been thinking about hope and as is so often true, I find it wherever I turn. I hear it songs and sermons, read about it in scripture, Bible study and devotionals.

Yesterday, in my devotional reading in Oswald Chamber’s “My Utmost For His Highest,” he wrote about despair. He used as his example the time the disciples fell asleep in the garden when Jesus had asked them to watch and pray. When they realized what they had done they were filled with despair. They felt, in that moment, they could never make up for what they had done.

“The sense of the irreparable is apt to make us despair, and we say – ‘It is all up now, it is no use trying any more.’”

I'm writing at Laced With Grace today. Please come join me there.

Blessings,
Linda

Needing Grace

 "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,  to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."
Titus 2:3-5 (ESV)

I have never found it easy to say no when asked to do something. It has often propelled me right into the middle of something I am uniquely unqualified to do. I seem to have this need to please.

However, there is one thing I've been asked to do a number of times, and it amazed even me at how quickly I said no. It is a call to mentoring younger women. The moment the words fall on my ears all I can think of is the ways I have failed. I disqualify myself on the basis of past behavior - feeling there is nothing I have done that is worthy of imitating and therefore nothing I can possibly say.

Just a short while ago I was asked about mentoring again. I responded as I always do - gently, but firmly, declining. This time I could not easily turn off the voices of condemnation that incessantly reminded me of every awful thing I had ever done. I felt weighted down by chains of my own making - this inability to open my hands and heart to grace. Oh, it is easy to see how grace applies to everyone else, but me......no, not me. My failings are too great.

With infinite patience the Father took me by the shoulders and, with the voice of friends, a Pastor's teaching, and His own words, reminded me that His grace is sufficient for even me. Tears are cleansing.  His mingle with mine, and the chains fall. This time, I pray, for good.

If anyone should happen to read this who is struggling with unforgiveness - not God's unforgiveness, for that could never be so - but the inability to forgive yourself, I want to share some of  the words He spoke to my heart in the hope it will minister to you.

"As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us."
 Psalm 103:12

"But Thou art a God of forgiveness, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness..."
 Nehemiah 9:17

"And He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you..."
 II Cor. 12:9

"Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing."
 Isaiah 43: 18,19

Blessings,
Linda

I'm Tellin' !

As strange as it may seem, when my sister and I were little girls we sometimes argued. I know! "Don't come on my side," (when we shared a bedroom). "Stop lookin' at me," were classics among our arsenal of weapons. However, when we got really desperate we took out the big gun - "I'm tellin' Mom!" It usually worked. The prospect of Mom getting involved somehow opened the door to possible reconciliation.

This morning, I'm tellin' on myself. It seems only fair. I come to this space with the intention of being real and honest. I'm afraid sometimes the things I don't say can leave an impression that is a bit short of the truth.

This morning I stepped into this little study, sat down in my comfy swivel chair, pulled up to the desk and turned on the computer with the intention of writing a post entitled, "Time To Go." I had decided today would be the end of blogging for me.

Have you ever noticed when you make a big deal out of something the Lord has shown you, it somehow becomes the very thing that will trip you up? I think perhaps the enemy is quite clever that way. He stands in the corner smirking as we pontificate and makes his plans. Far too often I am easy prey.

I thought and wrote and prayed about becoming smaller. I used fancy words to say I wanted Him to become more and me to become less. And I meant them. Low and behold, that very thing began to happen. I watched as others became so much more - the Father using their gifts in amazing ways - and I seemed to shrink smaller and smaller. I really was happy for them, but I began to feel  "less than."

Words like: "Didn't you think when you were humble the Lord would honor that in some way?"  "Isn't there a verse, in fact I believe you memorized it some time ago, that says if you humble yourself He will lift you up? Doesn't seem to be working for you, does it?" "The trouble is you don't have a gift for writing and you should probably stop wasting valuable time pursuing a dream of your own making." "Look at your friends and how far they have come. You've been at this a long time and you seem to be pretty much right where you started. It's time to let it go. Stop trying to be something you're not."

I sit in front of my humming computer thinking about the lives I've touched and the many more that have touched mine and know I was believing a lie. The dream began in my heart - a ministry through writing - and He put it there. He has spoken words of encouragement through His word and through others. He has whispered into my heart over and over again.

It is my joy to write the words. The rest is up to Him. I know that. I believe that. I just need to live that.

So I'm tellin' in the hope that it may encourage someone else. Very often, when the Father gives us a good and perfect gift, the enemy is there ready to snatch it out of our hands. He's clever. He knows our weaknesses and uses them to twist the truth into a plausible lie. He will even throw in some scripture to try and give it more legitimacy.

He is, however, no match for the One who dwells within us. Jesus is there - holding out the protective armor we need to quench those fiery darts. He has given us everything we need. We must simply take it.

^10-12 And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

^13-18 Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.
Ephesians 6  The Message

Blessings,
Linda

Living Worship

I wearily make my way up the steps and sit in the seat saved for me by my sweet friend. For this home-body, going out in the evening is always a bit of a struggle. I know I'll be glad I went once I get there. Nevertheless, every Wednesday evening I look longingly at my little armchair as I get ready to walk out the door.

The hum of voices drifts up to the high ceiling and circles around the room. Before I know it, I'm caught up in conversation and laughter. Then it begins - the soul-mending sound of worship. We sing, and He comes. It is an appointment kept faithfully by the One who inhabits our praise.

The song ends and the last notes fade. Ray, our music minister, speaks gently into the silence. My hungry heart receives the words and like tiny seeds they nestle in and put down roots. My shaky 66 year old memory cannot remember them perfectly, but this is what I hold close - "All I want is to live my life as a worship to Him."

And the Spirit whispers, "What would that look like Linda?"

I think, Father, it would look different every day and be unique to each of Your children. It would touch every moment with Your presence and give meaning and purpose to the seemingly insignificant events of a quiet life.

It would put an end to self-righteous judgement, selfishness, and petty disagreements. It would fix my eyes and heart on You and put a longing in my heart to love and serve the people You put in my life.  I would be all You created me to be.

Father, may my life be a worship to You. I am Yours.

Blessings,
Linda

Still Saturday - Aspire

 "....aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you,"

I Thess. 4:11

Joining my friend Sandy today:



Blessings,
Linda

Create

I am joining Emily today for imperfect prose. She has changed it a bit - giving us a prompt - a word to get the writing juices flowing. Today that word is:

Create

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be one of the creative ones. You know - the ones who stood out in the crowd because they were unique in every way. From their clothing to their hair styles to the way they did things differently from everyone else - and mostly for the beautiful things they created. I tried so hard to be like one of them, but my conservative nature always won out. I never could quite get out the door wearing something a bit over the top. I would look in the mirror and run back to the closet to retrieve my skirt and blouse.

It took nearly as long for me to figure out that there was, perhaps, a sameness in their difference, and that - most amazing of all - we are all creators in one way or another. The little bits of poetry I scribbled in a book, the sweaters I knitted, the pictures I stitched with beautiful thread, even the shawl I crocheted for Aunt Fannie - all creative. I breathed a sigh of relieve and continued to be my own conservative self. However, the Father is never satisfied to leave us where we are. There is always work to be done.

There is one bit of creativity I've been working on for a very long time. It isn't writing - although that has become the passion. It isn't the handwork - although I can't sit still for long without reaching for something to do with my hands. It is what I create with my spoken words.

I've always battled my tongue. Yes - I have. It is easy to come across as sweet and encouraging on a blog post. It is another matter to live each moment creatively, to build something beautiful in the home and the places I go with my words, to pour into the lives of those whose hearts are dear to me words that build up instead of tear down.

It has been an on-going war of sorts - little victories off-set by major defeats. I feel the Father turning up the heat these days - something breaking inside of me. "It is time," He whispers. The pounding of my own words in my ears, the pain of knowing they have gone like arrows into the heart of another.....yes, it is time.
Time to create with my words the things I believe in my heart.

Blessings,
Linda

Too Late?

"When Enoch was 65 years old, he became the father of Methuselah. After the birth of Methuselah, Enoch lived in close fellowship with God for another 300 years...Then one day he disappeared, because God took him."
Genesis 5: 21-24

 We walked quickly from the choir loft, eager to settle into our customary seats (Does anyone do that - sit in the exact same seat every week?). I am always in a hurry- not wanting to miss any part of the sermon.

I slid into my seat, picked up my tattered NLT and listened as he began to read through Hebrews 11 - the great faith chapter. The list of the giants of faith is familiar to me.....but there is always something new the Holy Spirit wants to whisper into listening ears.

Our Pastor pointed out that all of these "giants" were ordinary people. Consider Enoch - he didn't' t begin to walk closely with the Lord until he was 65. It was after the birth of Methuselah. It was as though someone had turned up the volume. I could hardly think about anything else. This man who walked so closely with God he didn't see death didn't begin that walk until he was a senior citizen.

The words came like a gentle arm around my shoulders. I have been feeling the weight of my years. Not in the usual way of bemoaning wrinkles and lines. I have come to terms with them (although I confess I sometimes wonder who the elderly lady in the mirror is.).

No, it isn't the physical. It is the wondering what I have done with this one life I have been given. Have I laid up treasure that cannot become ashes at my feet.? Have I been all He created me to be? And if I haven't, is it too late?

Enoch' s story says, "No; never too late in God' s kingdom.  He specializes in New beginnings."

And so I carefully, prayerfully consider the days recorded for me - longing to live them well. Not knowing exactly where that will lead. Knowing I am His.

Blessings,
Linda

He Guides Our Steps

Morning light sifts in around the edges of the blinds. I'm wide awake, but I lay still trying not to disturb my sleeping husband. I close my eyes and try to settle my heart to listen - to quiet the voices that persist in planning out the day, in reheasing the failures of the yesterdays, in fretting about the tomorrows.

I whisper to Him, asking that He walk with me and give me His peace. I ask what His plans for my day are. I fight with the doubts that stalk the fringes of prayer, breathing deeply, remembering who He is and what He has promised.

There are those who would read these words, some whom I care deeply about, and with raised eyebrows and a shrug of the shoulders dismiss them. How, they wonder, can you live a life in this way? How can you believe there is God who hears unspoken words and takes them into His heart? And, honestly, how can you believe He walks with you and cares about the details of your every waking moment?

Because He said:

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen.  If you look for me wholeheartedly you will find me."
Jeremiah 29:11

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives."
 Psalm 37:23

"The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.'"
 Psalm 32:8

My husband stirs, and I step into my day - knowing I am His.

Blessings,
Linda

His

Every year, for the past several years, I've had a "word for the year." I haven't chosen lightly. I've prayed and listened and given it a lot of thought. However, to be perfectly honest, a few months into the year I've not only forgotten to write about my word, I've forgotten I even had a word. Ridiculous...I know.

So this year, I considered not bothering with a word at all. What would be the point if I was just going to lose it somewhere in the nether regions of my little mind? But there was this persistent little whisper I couldn't quite ignore. So I began to pray about a word.

"Humble" came to mind. I have felt this pull to "smallness" - to more of Him and much less of me.
"Balance" was another. I have struggled to find balance in my life for as long as I can remember.
"Selfless" certainly applied. There has been far too much of self - too much seeking after the approval of others.
"Small" was the one I nearly settled on. I desperately want to become smaller - especially in this place where I've tried for far to long to be other than small.

All similar and yet none quite said everything my heart was feeling. As the days passed, there was one constant refrain in my heart. It came with words and a melody. The words burrowed deeply into my heart and would not be silent.

Our church Christmas Program this year was titled "Love Came Down," based on the song of the same name. It was this song that kept playing over and over again in my heart. When we sang the words, "I am yours..." something in me broke. It was the same every single time.

They answered every longing of my heart. If I am His, truly His, then everything else falls into place. I will find the humility He modeled. I will live my days holding tightly to His hand - losing myself in Him. The balance I long for will come as I follow hard after Him. I will see with His eyes; I will listen without interrupting or nagging or complaining - because I know He is there to hear every silent word without judgement or condemnation. I can serve secretly and with a heart toward Him, because He sees in secret.

Most of all, whatever comes into my life in the coming days - I am His. 

I am forever His. We have all the time He has given me to do the necessary work in my heart and life.

My word for this new year - and for always: His.



"Love Came Down"

"If my heart is overwhelmed
And I cannot hear Your voice
I hold on to what is true
Though I cannot see

If the storms of life they come
And the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith
I will believe

I'll remind myself
Of all that You've done
And the life I have
Because of Your son

[Chorus]
Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours
Lord I'm forever Yours
Mountains high or valley low
I sing out and remind my soul
I am Yours
I am forever Yours

When my heart is filled with hope
Every promise comes my way
When I feel Your hands of grace
Rest upon me

Staying desperate for You, God
Staying humble at Your feet
I will lift these hands in praise
I will believe

I'll remind myself
Of all that You've done
And the life I have
Because of Your son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours
I am forever Yours
Mountains high or valley low
I sing out and remind my soul
I am Yours
I am forever Yours

I am Yours
I am Yours
All my days
Jesus, I am Yours"

Kari Jobe 

Blessings,

Linda