Heartbroken

I have written 1,240 posts since I began blogging nearly seven years ago. This post, this 1,241st post, is by far the most difficult one I've ever written.

For days I have struggled - trying to decide whether or not I would ever write another. Part of my heart wanted to quietly walk away - the other part desperately needed to find words. Not just any words - true words - so that blessing might somehow be birthed from the pain.

I have wanted, always, to be honest and transparent in this little place - to give to those who may happen by, something from the gift of encouragement He has crafted into my heart. I have found that there are some things that cannot be spoken - things that are too deeply personal and meant only for one. The story can be told; the details may need to be kept close to the heart.

My heart quickened a bit when I saw that Lisa-Jo had chosen "broken" for today's Five Minute Friday word. It was, I think, a gentle nudge to quietly write the words I feel free to share:

Broken

start:

I hardly know where to begin. Our hearts are broken. Grief bears down and it is difficult to walk through the days.

On the day of my husband's back surgery - the one we've been waiting for for months - our son-in-law Nicolas passed away. Our daughter, Lisa, waited until the following day to call from their apartment in France - so very far away. She was concerned about her Dad - didn't want to upset him.

So we are here, and she is there - an ocean and thousands of miles separate us. There are so many there to love and support her, but how we long to be with her.

Soon. She will come home soon.

We are numb and hurting and sometimes wonder if perhaps it was all just a bad dream. 

It is in these moments, these heart wrenching moments, when we lean into the truth of all God is. He is our peace and comfort. He is faithful and good - a loving God who never leaves or forsakes. Everything that comes to us passes through His hands - hands of grace and mercy.

So we trust, and He comes gently - His tears mingled with ours - to make all things good in His time.

stop

Linking with Lisa-Jo today on her FB page

Blessings,
Linda 

Stepping Away

I will be stepping away from the blog for a few days. Tomorrow morning my husband will be having back surgery. We would be so grateful for your prayers. I'll post updates on FB.

See you in a little while.

Blessings,
Linda

Still Saturday - Loved

"I want you to experience the riches of your salvation: the Joy of being loved constantly and perfectly. You make a practice of judging yourself based on how you look or behave or feel...
 Instead of trying to 'fix' yourself, fix your gaze on Me, the Lover of your soul. Rather than using your energy to judge yourself, redirect it to praising Me. remember that I see you clothed in My righteousness, radiant in My perfect Love."
 "Jesus Calling"   Sarah Young

I needed reminding. You?

Joining dear Sandy today at Still Saturday.



Blessings,
Linda

Five Minute Friday - The Present

I am ever grateful for Five Minute Friday at Lisa-Jo's. It is such fun to take a word and simply write - unedited and without "deep" thought.
Today's word is:

Present

start - We sit across from each other at the big kitchen table he crafted from a huge tree more than thirty years ago.  I chatter away about the things bubbling deep inside my heart - things that hardly make sense when spoken out loud but that are of such import to me. He leans in and listens intently and with the listening he gives me a most treasured present.

I know there is a book about love languages, and I even know what a few of them are. I haven't read the book and don't know much about all the different languages, but I do know mine. It is words - just words. The ones spoken to me and the ones I speak or write.

Words of encouragement and words that edify - they wash over me like a soothing oil and my heart is so enriched. They can lift me from the depths of despair; they can keep me going when I think of giving up; they make my eyes sparkle with the knowledge that I am known and loved.

I long to give the present in return - to listen with my whole heart and to speak those things that glorify and edify. In an age where manners seem to be passe and saying whatever is on one's mind is "in," it is a joy to hear words fitly spoken.

stop

There is a whole, bit wonderful group gathered at Lisa-Jo's. Please come join us.



Blessings,
Linda

The Gift

'We live gifted with certain forms of spiritual grace embodied in us, for some purpose of Divine Love to be fulfilled by us, some idea of the Divine Mind to be imaged forth in our creaturely state. To devote oneself to God is to concentrate the powers of one's being to their ordained end, and therefore to have the happiest truest life - happiest, because happiness must be in accordance of these powers with the law of their creation, and truest, because the attainment of the highest glory must be in the accomplishment of the end for which we were created."
 T.T. Carter

To find the gift wrapped within the essence of who we are and to use it for His glory - I have been pondering this. Every gift unique; every gift suited to its possessor; every gift of equal of value.

Perhaps it is the gift within the gift that is of greatest value - the wisdom to value and embrace what has been given to us. Without pride; without wishing for something other; without envy or comparison. Just to treasure the gift and give it away - with love. Every gift interlocking into one beautiful whole.

Blessings,
Linda

Sixty-seven Years

The walkers have taken up permanent residence in the trunk of their little car. Not for every day use, mind you. There are canes for that. The walkers are reserved for walks in the little park near their home. When the cardiologist told him he needed to get a little exercise every day, she took charge.

Bright and early on the mornings he doesn't have to go to the dialysis clinic they drive the short distance to the new walking path. She dons her sun hat - the one with the little visor and cute little bow in the back. He hauls the walkers, blue handles for him, pink for her, out of the trunk. Slowly they begin their walk.

The sun beats down even at this early hour, but there is always a gentle breeze. Other walkers, most with dogs straining at their leashes, easily pass them. They aren't in a hurry. They have learned the pace of life in old age.

On this particular morning a young man is running sprints - back and forth between trees at lightning speed. They pass him and look with eyes of remembrance at the strength and endurance of youth. Just as they reach the car, the young man stops his furious dashing and approaches them.

"Do you mind if I take your picture?"

Obligingly they pose - smiling their forever smiles.

"How long have you been married?"

He answers with pride and love sparkling in his eyes, "Sixty-seven years."

"Wow. You just don't see that any more."

                                      ::             ::              ::

An early morning doctor appointment finds them out and about before breakfast. He suggests eating out. She readily agrees. The little restaurant is filled with people and noise - a happy buzz of activity. They eat quietly, enjoying the delicious food.

They linger for a little while, chatting - there is always something to talk about even after nearly seven decades of conversation. He motions to the waitress. He's ready for the check.

"There is no check sir. A nice young man paid for your breakfast. He asked me not to tell you until he had gone."

They are overwhelmed by the gift - unexpected grace.

                                       ::                 ::             ::

Fourth of July weekend. My husband and I sit with them in the front row of their church. It is a special day for him. Earlier in the week he and another WWII veteran recorded a conversation with their Pastor. He spoke of his experiences, the harsh realities of war, the way the Lord spoke to his heart long before he really knew Him, the longing for the girl he left behind - the one he would spenl the rest of his life with. There were tears - I haven't seen him weep often in the years I have known him. He always seemed so strong and fearless to me. Time has a way of pulling aside the curtain and revealing the heart.

They have been a part of my life for sixty-six years. I have watched them choose to live out their vows:

"to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part." 

My Mom and Dad.

Joining my sweet friends  Laura for Playdates With God  
and Sara at Splashin' Glory

Blessings,
Linda

picture: Mom and Dad with their Grandson (our son)

Happy 4th of July

We celebrate, with thanksgiving, the freedoms that are ours - in this great country and in our hearts.  We remember those who gave everything that we might enjoy so much. We worship a Savior who sacrificed everything that we might know true freedom.

"I Am Redeemed" 



Blessings,
Linda

picture: Bill Fairchild

The Rest of the Story (And a Confession)

I am a "happily-ever-after" girl. One would think over six decades of living would have taken a bit of the polish off that sparkly dream, but it hasn't. Even with all the ups and downs, heartbreak and disappointment I continue to hope for the happy ending.

On Saturday there were only two of the six cardinal babies left in the nest. I was concerned at first about their well-being. It didn't look as though the parents were feeding them any more. They were a bit preoccupied with the ones testing their wings.

However, in time they returned to feed the littlest ones - one a bit stronger than the other. Before long this one began bravely making his way to the edges of the plastic stems. He sat poised for the longest time. Suddenly he was gone. I caught a glimpse of him (perhaps her?) clinging to the oak nearest the porch - Papa tweeting encouraging words from one of the branches a little higher up.  Then they were gone.

 And there was one left - looking so forlorn and lonely. All afternoon I listened to the cheeping - a continuous cry for Mama and Papa. Every few minutes I went to the window to look, but there was no sign of them. I willed them to come back for this one tiny one - the one who wasn't ready to test his wings.

 We had plans to go out for dinner. Just before we left I checked the nest, and it was empty. I peeked around the front door, and sure enough, there he was on the porch - looking at the brick wall - so small and confused. We left with hopes that the parents would come and help - fearful that if we interfered they would certainly abandon him.

The front porch was empty when we got home. I breathed a sigh of relief - surely they must have come to rescue their littlest one. But the sound of cheeping a short distance from the house made my heart sink. There he was - huddled in the grass. 

I decided I should try to do something. I have no idea what that something should have been, but I thought I could possibly put him back in the nest or even take him in the house (I even put on a mitten so they wouldn't get my scent if they did come back. I know.) I crept up slowly, and at first he just sat looking up at me. I heard a cardinal somewhere close by, so I quickly ran back in the house - ever hopeful.

However, it was soon apparent there would be no help coming from Mama and Papa (I felt a bit upset with them - abandoning this poor helpless one.). I went back outside and began a slow approach. He was not so docile this time. He began running and flying in little hops - never quite getting up enough steam to actually fly very high but always staying just out of reach. I finally gave it up, afraid I would scare the poor little thing to death, and went back inside. 

So, no happily-ever-after to this story. I don't see how he could have survived on his own. Toward morning it rained, and I felt so sad I hadn't done something more. So sad at the harshness of life. I looked for any sign of him - but there was nothing.

I am a "happily-ever-after" girl. I believe there is One who will make all things new. One day our Prince will come, riding on His white horse, and all the forces of evil will not be able to stand against Him.  We will live in a glorious mansion in a beautiful city and we will live happily ever after.

"Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.  For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us."

Romans 8: 18-23 

Blessings,

Linda