Five Minute Friday - Tree

I can see them from my place at the kitchen table. The one my husband fashioned from huge slabs of pine that once stood tall on a mountainside in Vermont. Sometimes a bird will soar high and land on the highest branch. It must be a spectacular view.

I watch the ancient oaks sway gently in the wind and wonder how long they have maintained their vigil over this land we've come to love. Were there others who dreamed dreams under the outstretched limbs? Or did they grow unobserved from tiny acorns, huddled together against the winds and the rain?

There are days the wind comes screeching down from the north. It is a violent force, and I watch, holding my breath for fear they will fall. But they stand strong bending low to the ground and rising again, gathering strength to weather the next blow.

It is their roots, I think. They go down deep. When everything else succumbed to the years of drought, they remained, pushing down, down to find moisture in the hidden depths.

For weeks they have been dropping their fruit on the ground - dozens and dozens of acorns litter the grass around them. If I stand quietly, I hear them fall - filled with the promise of life. The giants stand unconcerned. They have fulfilled their purpose. The seeds are now in the hands of Someone else.

Joining Lisa-Jo and the Five Minute Friday Community



Blessings,
Linda

An Empty Place

She has been absent for years now - a mysterious disappearance into the mist called "dealing with issues". My little sister. My only sister. I haven't heard her voice for eight years.

Eight years ago, she began to speak in ways I didn't clearly understand. This beautiful soul who looked up to me with an admiration I never deserved and loved with a selfless, giving heart simply decided she needed to distance herself from her family.

We comforted ourselves with the thought that surely it was only a temporary thing. But the days rolled into weeks. Months passed with no word, and our attempts to reach her were met with a wall of silence. Phone calls went unanswered; cards lay unopened somewhere in her home.

Every special occasion brought with it the hope that she would step back into our lives. We were disappointed over and over again.

And all the while a broken-hearted mother and father lived each day wondering why. What had they done wrong and how could they make it right?

The years passed. Years filled with joys and sorrows she knew nothing about. And the silence persisted.

There is no happy ending to this part of my story yet. We pray. It is all we have left to do. It is enough.

I sometimes dream about her. In my dreams I am often angry. When I wake, I think I understand the elder son in the story of the Prodigal Son. I know she will be welcomed back with open arms. And that is right. But I have lived without a sister when I desperately needed one. I have needed her help in so many ways, and she has not been there. I confess to a certain bitterness when I let my mind meander down that path. But I am reminded of the grace and mercy that has covered the very darkest of sins in my own life.

So we wait. With hope. With love.

Joining Jennifer - telling part of my story.


Blessings,
Linda

In A State of Utter "Confusedness"!

I feel a little bit like my little bear right now. I am in a state of utter "confusedness." My darling husband bought me a brand spanking new MacBook Pro for my birthday. I know!!

It is beautiful and shiny and totally amazing. However, I feel just the way I did when I got my first big desk top computer. I am lost!

I'm even having trouble clicking the pad in the right place. All sorts of scary looking boxes keep popping up when all I want to do is click on the the little red button and get out of there.

Things I took for granted like "copy and paste" are now foreign to me. I don't even know how to get my pictures where I can use them. I thought I was being very clever when I stored everything on the cloud and in drop box. They are safe and sound - so much so I can't figure out how to get a single one of them on my blog.

I will resist the temptation to drag the old laptop out of the closet and press on. If you don't see me in a few days - please send a Geek.

Love y'all,
Linda

A Little Break

I'm going to take just a little break. A few busy days ahead. I'll be back soon.

Blessings,
Linda

Eating My Words

I knew this was going to happen - and yet I did it anyway. Several weeks ago I wrote about eating and dieting. I actually tapped out these words: "eat or drink to the glory of God."I then proceeded to dig myself in even deeper by going on and on about self-control.

To make a long, sad story short - in just a few short weeks I fell off my self-righteous wagon. Yup. We went on vacation. Self-control took a back seat, and I haven't given up the controls yet. The few pounds I lost have "magically" reappeared. The worst is, I have pretty much assumed on the grace that gives me the freedom to choose.

So I humbly ask forgiveness and He freely gives - even and especially those things that so easily beset us. He freely gives what cost more than I can every repay. I so often take that too lightly.

I have learned my lesson (again). No more declarations, just asking for grace and strength one day at a time.

Blessings from your humbled friend,
Linda

Thoughts On Aging

Sometimes, when the light is just right, I look at my reflection and wonder who that old woman is. It's hard to write those words for some reason. I hesitated before tapping out "old woman." I wonder that it should be so.

I have another birthday rapidly approaching. This one will put me much closer to seventy than sixty. It has gotten  me thinking about aging. I don't have all of my thoughts sorted out just yet (Could that be another of those signs of aging?). But as I work through them I'll try to put them into words every now and then.

I love words, but find the things lodged deepest in my heart are the most difficult to write.

Not too long ago I watched a news story concerning an "elderly" person. It turns out said person was my age. Elderly. I hadn't thought of myself in those terms, but I understood that in the eyes of a twenty-something reporter that person was indeed just this side of ancient.

My fear in writing about aging is I will speak in generalities and do exactly what I think our society does to those of us neatly filed under the label "senior citizen." That isn't my intent. I mean to share only my own thoughts, such as they are.

I spent a few weeks with my sister-in-law recently, and we talked about how it feels to grow old. We discussed the way our looks have changed with time and the subtle way it marginalizes us. It is easy to overlook the ones with the wrinkles, lines and aging bodies. I am at a loss as to how to accurately describe it. We simply get the underlying message that our time is done and it's time for youth and beauty to step onto center stage.

Women who age in the public eye seem to have gotten the message that unless they can do a bit of surgical nipping and tucking they will have to be sent to the sidelines. I've caught myself standing in front of the mirror pulling the skin of my face taught. I don't think there is anything wrong with plastic surgery, but it saddens me when it is done in a desperate attempt for approval.

I look at my ninety year old mother, her face filled with lines and age spots, and understand some day it will be my face too. But if I can still have that same radiant joy she has when she smiles; if I can draw others to me by gentle grace; if I can encourage and love those around me - I will wear them gladly.

Blessings,
Linda

Five Minute Friday - Grace - A Gift to Mom's

Time for Five Minute Friday. Today Lisa-Jo has chosen:

Grace
Start:

If I could wrap up one big gift and give it to every Mom who is struggling right now under a load of guilt for what she fears is her lack of child-rearing skills it would be this"

GRACE

I come with lines and wrinkles and saggy "stuff" to offer this one gift to you. It is really not from me. It comes from the hands of the Father who loves you and whispers grace into your every day minutes. 

I remember talking on the phone to my Mom (who I called not once but several times a day in those early weeks) holding my newborn son in my arms and wailing about how hard it all was. She listened and then said, "When he's three months old, it will be a lot easier."

My thought was:
"I won't live that long."

But I did, and it did get easier. However, it was never easy. There was too much yelling and too many mistakes and so much - so very much - to regret. Some days I thought at the very least they would grow up with a boat load of problems, or, at worst, they would never speak to me again.

I didn't count on grace. Somehow the perfect Father stepped in and filled those gaping holes with a measure of grace that astounds me. So I speak to you from six decades of living and offer grace. Of course we try to do our best, but we are not perfect. We are learning even as we try desperately to nurture those precious human beings entrusted to our care. There will be mistakes. Mine were huge.

But grace gave me this:

 And this - Joy I never expected.

stop

Please join us at Lisa-Jo's today. You will be blessed.

 

Love to you,
Linda